Life Lessons Learned, More Lessons Still to Come

A photo of the night sky from Jan. 8 looks like a painting.

Although the holidays are now officially over, I’m still getting holiday greetings from blog readers from around the world. My Nigerian friend Stephen, who once stayed with me in DC, has sent these family photos, including of his 2 older daughters who attend an all-girls military school. 

Alex, the young Costa Rican who stayed with me last summer, says he plans to visit me again next summer after finishing his doctorate. He was in Madrid on Christmas break from his university in Sevilla in southern Spain. 

After the plane crash in Kathmandu, I wanted to check on a former visitor, someone I’d lost touch with, Gopal Siwatoki, but couldn’t find an old email from him. I then searched his name online, encountering a whole host of men in Kathmandu sharing that same name. One showed a photo with the name, so I eliminated him, but too many others remained. What might my former friend be doing now? Gopal, I pray you were not on that flight.

On Jan. 22, China will salute the lucky rabbit to kick off the lunar new year.

                                                This local woodpecker is tapping away.

                        Neighborhood dogs and cats are still getting lost and found.

The recent MLKing holiday brings me back to that warm summer day in 1963 when my late ex-husband and I, then in Washington for another meeting, joined a huge crowd already gathered around the Lincoln Memorial. We stood there on the periphery where we could barely hear, not realizing then that it would become such an iconic event. Police were certainly evident then, but I saw many more officers and much tighter security at a commemoration ceremony I attended 50 years later during the Obama administration. Dr. King was a man of both strengths and weaknesses, just as with all of us. 

                                              Is that Coretta with him?      

As someone who has never done well after drinking alcohol, and with a daughter the same way, I’ve hailed the advent of nonalcoholic “mocktails,” similar in taste now being served either in regular bars or in establishments dedicated to their exclusive use. It remains to be seen if non-alcoholic bars will be able to survive financially, but they do seem a worthwhile experiment, allowing people to socialize in public, while preventing auto accidents and other dangerous and erratic behavior linked to alcohol consumption. Legal prohibition may not have worked, but voluntary avoidance of alcohol seems to be gaining in popularity, not because of any moral or religious scruples, but just because it’s a healthier, safer option for socializing.

Sometimes a helmeted woman with 2 small helmeted children seated behind cycles down our street in the early morning. Seeing them ride by always puts a smile on my on my face.

I also smile at the artwork posted almost daily on our neighborhood website by a versatile local artist, Jacob Folger, perhaps making a few sales in the process. I may have featured him before.

This stained glass is by another local artist.

My granddaughter visited me again recently from Florida, as she tries to come here often to see her father, whose foot was amputated due to diabetes.

Neither she nor her mother, who lives near her, may be in especially secure jobs these days. But while there have been layoffs everywhere, some businesses still have staff shortages, so they are keeping alert for other opportunities. The following is a message I sent my granddaughter after her visit, regarding a locale where we’d picked up an order of take-out food.

 

Being in that neighborhood again took me back to when I was an interpreter for a Spanish-speaking woman living above that restaurant. It was probably an illegal apartment up there, accessible only via the fire escape by first entering through that side metal gate after ringing a bell to have it opened. The woman who lived there had a daughter about age 2 with Down Syndrome and also a much older daughter without disabilities. The mother just couldn't accept the Down's daughter, a really very charming child, very friendly and cooperative, though a bit slow in development as might be expected. That child could really do a lot of things, but the mother wasn't making any effort to teach her (i.e. about using the potty, feeding herself). I was working then with a therapist, but I often arrived early. One day someone opened the outer gate for me, so I went up the fire escape to the family’s apartment where I found the little girl with Down's sitting all alone on the floor, playing with toys. She seemed happy to see me but where was her mother? About 20 minutes later, the mother arrived, having left the child by herself (for how long?), probably not for the first time. Then, the therapist showed up. I wonder how that family is doing now? I don’t think it’s a breach of confidentiality to reveal that much these years later.

 In 2004, after leaving the-Peace Corps after 3 ½ years, I’d started a part-time job as an on-call Spanish interpreter, which exposed me to situations like the one just described. But in that job, nothing I ever encountered really shocked or surprised me. Years before, I’d worked as a social worker, probation officer, and children’s licensing worker all up and down California’s central valley, then later for many years at the occupational therapy association in Md., so was familiar with a wide variety of human foibles, including child abuse, incest, infidelity, impotence, rape, suicide, attempted murder, and even murder itself. When my 4 kids were young, I’d also worked part-time for a psychiatrist in DC, writing up reports of his hospital visits, ghosting his professional journal articles, and appearing for him as his stand-in at DSM review meetings. He’d once even asked me to come to his home to change a ceiling light bulb while he and his wife watched

 After Peace Corps, to become an interpreter, I first had to pass a rather tough hour-long telephonic test of simultaneous and consecutive interpretation going in both directions, English to Spanish and vice versa, get fingerprinted, and also be x-rayed for TB. Then in 2020, after 16 years of doing part-time interpreting, I’d retired from all paid work because of the pandemic, no longer willing to travel on public transportation, or risk exposure to so many others there and at work sites. Now, in my 80’s, I have enough trouble just taking care of myself, performing what occupational therapists call “activities of daily living.” Even taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed take extra time. My 3-story house has stairs that I cannot navigate quickly any more. My mother, who died at 92, remained in her own home, but only on the first floor and with the daily help of paid caregivers and rotating visits by us, her 3 children.

The Bezos’ and Gates’ divorces allowed the ex-wives to become independent philanthropists and more power to them. I readily identify with these ladies, who doubtless helped their husbands succeed, so were rightfully compensated financially after their divorces. After my husband divorced me after 24 years to marry his much younger office assistant, I was initially devastated. He was blind and owed much of his success to my behind-the-scenes assistance. We’d married when I was 21 and the only one actually working then. Twenty-four years later, when my husband left, as I’ve probably already mentioned, he took over all our bank accounts and refused to ever speak with me again, except for a single phone call in 1983, a complete surprise never again to be repeated. When he later won a MacArthur Genius Award, a newspaper reporter approached me, but I had no comment. Our kids had no regular visitation and even getting child support required a legal battle. My ex was a formidable foe, though I managed to work my way back to solvency and remain in possession of our home, where I still reside. Tragically, our older son died in 1994 at age 26 after a work accident, the worst ever emotional blow of my entire life; making my divorce struggles fade in comparison. The next year a Cuban foster son died of AIDS. Then in 2019, when he was 63, my ex-husband, a lifelong chain-smoker (unfiltered Camels), died of lung cancer without ever getting back on speaking terms with me. His widow expressed surprise to see me among those leaving his funeral, as I had not been invited or even mentioned in his newspaper obituary.

Like the prominent ex-wives already mentioned, I’d found my way to back to a more normal and meaningful life, first through full-time employment as a single mother, as I’d been only working part-time while helping my husband. My first job was with the Asthma & Allergy Foundation thanks to a newspaper ad (remember those?). I subsequently worked for 16 years for the occupational therapy association, then joined the Peace Corps at age 62, and after that, became an on-call Spanish interpreter until 2020, which had been a brand-new endeavor for me. I’d learned fluent Spanish not through study, but in my travels from an early age.

 Now in my 80’s, I’ve retired from working altogether, but still contribute through annual volunteer service and donations in Honduras, my former Peace Corps country, skipping travel there during the pandemic, but returning again last July. After 42 years, I’m also still volunteer Caribbean coordinator for Amnesty International-USA. I’m grateful for this acknowledgment from Amnesty’s Caribbean staff located in Mexico City: Hi Barbara, Thanks as always for your emails and insights. Yes, the migration flows seem to repeat themselves. And the situation in Haiti is particularly complex.

 Since losing my beloved older son and foster son, I now cherish my surviving kids and grandkids more than ever. So why am I even mentioning all this? Simply to urge readers undergoing catastrophic losses to persevere in confronting their new reality, which can still become meaningful and even rewarding. Acknowledge your losses, but don’t spend too much time grieving, just roll up your sleeves and get back to work by engaging in what we at the occupational therapy association called “meaningful activity,” that is, activity meaningful to you. Life is short. If I can remain standing against the odds, so can you!

My kids are all former smokers who have quit, perhaps partly influenced by the lung-cancer death of their father. But someone on the neighborhood website reports that the Republican House has now approved smoking inside the capitol, the only public building in the city where smoking is being allowed, indicating the presence of some avid smokers among Republican lawmakers.

 Register for Peace Corps' Career Connections Virtual Career Fair on 01/26

And the following is something else I’ve been trying to publicize: The James Madison Memorial Fellowship Foundation is pleased to offer this call for nominations for, and applications from, qualified Cuban-born fellows for the 2023 Summer Institute on the Constitution of the James Madison Memorial Fellowship Foundation in Washington, D.C. for the Summer Institute on the Constitution

 The deadline for receipt of completed applications is Friday, March 10 

Nominees will be notified of the outcome of the selection process by Monday, April 3, 2023.

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·         This just came in from Amnesty International USA: “We’re THRILLED to announce that two detention centers holding detained asylum-seekers in the U.S. are finally shutting down, after years of intensive advocacy and pressure:

·         Yuba County Jail in California was infamous for its harsh conditions and inadequate medical care...This ends the last remaining official immigration detention contract in Northern California!!!

·         Additionally, the Berks County "Residential Center" immigration jail in Pennsylvania will shut down on January 31st!”

Wash. Post, Man slain near Nats Park, Navy Yard Metro stop For those of us living on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC, this was too close for comfort.

The Hill, What we know about the XBB.1.5 COVID variant sweeping the Northeast

While it seems more transmissible, vaccines may be effective in preventing severe disease. But don’t take those masks off yet.

Are we in already in a recession? Forbes says, no not quite. Will fear of a recession help make it a self-fulfilling prophesy? 

To keep himself in the news and also to head off a challenge for the Republican presidential nomination in 2024, Donald Trump has issued a mafia type threat against DeSantis. I’d considered Trump all washed up as a presidential candidate, but now he’s fighting hard and dirty for his political life, perhaps to stay out of prison himself. He says he is considering naming a female running mate. President Biden has paved the way on that, so male presidential candidates are likely to have female running mates from now on. Business Insider, Trump on the possibility of Ron DeSantis running against him in 2024: 'We'll handle that the way I handle things'

Peter Suciu Did Donald Trump Just Commit Political Suicide? This writer thinks that Trump has ruined his chances with his veiled threat against DeSantis. This author cites current polls showing Biden beating Trump, but DeSantis beating Biden. I may come to regret saying this, but even DeSantis would be better than Trump. And while the trove of unauthorized documents discovered at Biden’s home is much smaller and less important than those found at Mar-a-Lago, the public seems to regard them as equivalent

It’s been impossible to keep up with the recent rash of mass shootings in the US, with a high number of fatalities. The “right to bear arms” obviously offers little protection of human life or wellbeing, quite to the contrary. To avoid giving these events more publicity, I’m only mentioning one recent local school shooting mainly because of the youthful age of the shooter.

USA Today, A 6-year-old shot his teacher in Virginia, police say: What we know about the teacher's condition, what happens next The teacher remains hospitalized and the shooting appears to have been intentional, occurring after an altercation between the student and teacher. Whether a 6-year-old in Virginia can be charged with a crime is uncertain. 

Why do many Americans still think having a firearm at home offers safety, when it’s a proven risk? So many more people have been killed or injured by their own guns than ever were protected. Even Breonna Taylor would not have been killed if her boyfriend had not fired at the no-knock intruders. I’ve already mentioned that my son, at age 11, got shot in the foot by an unsecured handgun, found and dropped by another boy at a neighbor’s home, not a rare occurrence.

Gun safety experts have sounded the alarm about children accessing unsecured guns owned by their parents and caregivers and accidentally hurting themselves or others. Research by the advocacy group Everytown for Gun Safety showed in 2022, there were at least 301 accidental shootings by children in the U.S., resulting in 133 deaths and 180 injuries.

A 2019 report from the U.S. Secret Service also found most school attackers who use firearms obtained them in their homes and that those firearms were owned by parents or other relatives. An estimated 4.6 million children in the U.S. were living in a home with at least one unlocked and loaded gun in 2021, according to a study using data from the National Firearm Survey.

I’ve been puzzling over why so many men kill their wives or female partners seemingly out of the blue, often in a murder-suicide, as happened at the hotel in W. Va. where my son works. Other men kill only their children to punish the wife, to deliberately inflict terrible grief on her. Did she say something to offend him? Of course, having fewer guns in circulation would help a whole lot, but in W Va. where my son heard the fatal gunshots from his hotel front desk, then found the couple’s dead bodies lying outside, gun shops abound and the “right to bear arms” is considered sacred. 

https://nypost.com/2023/01/07/el-paso-cleans-up-migrant-camps-before-joe-biden-border-visit/

                                     Below, El Paso migrants on a chilly night.

Cuba Archive, Over 300 deaths and disappearances in 2022 attributed to the Cuban State

Mark Frank https://www.reuters.com/world/americas/leak-secretive-cuban-reserves-data-stirs-confusion-concern-2023-01-17/ Cuba appears to be more economic trouble than ever.

Cubans crossing into US are stunned to hear of new asylum limits.https://apnews.com/article/biden-politics-mexico-united-states-government-70f9516a689fa26a41af184ec76e9527

AP, Ex-Pentagon intelligence analyst who spied for Cuba freed

Ana Belen Montes, age 65, recently freed from federal prison after completing more than 20 years of her 25-year sentence, has now moved to Puerto Rico. In my role as volunteer Caribbean coordinator for Amnesty Int’l-USA, I well remember reporting on her case, so very shocking at the time, as she was then working for the Pentagon with a top security clearance.

The Guardian, Honduran environmental defenders shot dead in broad daylight

Aly Domínguez and Jairo Bonilla, co-founders of grassroots resistance group to iron ore mine in Guapinol, murdered in street

 

                                         Anti-mining Honduran protesters camped out. 

                                        Below, in Haiti, US visa seekers wait in line.

In Brazil, Bolsonaro supporters were using the Trump playbook to protest Lula’s election victory. Donald Trump has served as a role model for sore losers everywhere. Below, Bolsonaro supporters are being dispersed in Brasilia. 

 

My long-time Brazilian-born friend Salvador, age 69, whose actual first name is Jose, tells me he’s now engaged to a 44-year-old virgin (his emphasis) in Vietnam who works there as a cook and a manicurist. Sal is a strong Bolsonaro supporter, a long-time American citizen, and actually met his fiancée last year when traveling around Asia. He’s been married before, but this time it’s “true love.” I certainly wish them well.

Sal first came to this country to play soccer and we’ve been friends ever since. Long ago, when he and his first wife needed advice on caring for their new baby, I was there to show them how to change a diaper (only cloth diapers then).and how to bathe him in the kitchen sink. Now, later in his life, my friend has become a golf fanatic. He promises that he and his future wife will actually move in with me to take care of my every possible need. Might that really be a bit too much love?

 Wash. Post, World’s oldest person, French nun Sister André, dies at 118

 https://www.dw.com/en/us-officially-changes-spelling-of-turkey-to-turkiye/a-64301304 The Turkish government requested this change in the English spelling of their country’s name, in part to avoid any connection with the bird often eaten here during the holidays, also with the pejorative connotation of the word. So now do we have to refer to the Turkiye government and how is that pronounced?

Although past wars have included attacks on civilian populations--the worst in my opinion being the atom bombs launched by Harry Truman against Japan in World War II--now attacks against civilians, such as the Russian bombardments in Ukraine, are increasingly being condemned. World opinion has turned against Russia, not only for its unprovoked invasion of Ukraine, but because civilian residences and cultural centers are being deliberately bombed and obliterated.

Politico, U.S. will train Ukrainians on Patriot system in Oklahoma as soon as next week

President Biden is certainly involving the US in the Ukraine war, coming as close as possible without actually putting American boots on the ground: first by providing financing, then with hardware; and now with training in the US. Given all the carnage and destruction being inflicted on Ukraine, it seems time for both sides to try to work out a settlement, regardless of questions of fairness and justice.

Wash. Post, China’s first population decline in 60 years sounds demographic alarm Although long predicted, the reversal arrived far earlier than expected. China faces a shrinking workforce that will struggle to support a rapidly aging population, a trend that could impede its ambition to become a global leader.

With strict lockdowns lifted, China is being ravished by Covid and by Covid secrecy and China’s population is now actually in decline. Deaths have recently outnumbered births. While an ever-increasing national or world population is not desirable, neither is a falling one, requiring fewer working-age people to support more elders. Already, Europe is experiencing the same problem and North America is not far behind. Indian reservations are becoming retirement communities as younger people continue to leave. Meanwhile, the developing world still has a high birthrate and a young population, leading to migration pressures.

Fox News, Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders bans 'Latinx' from Arkansas government documents I may rarely be in sync with the Arkansas governor, but I must agree that latinx is a graceless term. Spanish speakers of my acquaintance avoid it, instead preferring the bulkier “latino and latina” when speaking English.

 

Fox News, Teen at California YMCA claims she encountered naked transgender woman in girls' locker room

It would understandably be shocking for a young woman to see a naked person with a penis in the women’s locker room even if that individual “identifies” as female.

 

California has not carried out an execution since 2006. Gov. Gavin Newsom has now imposed a death penalty moratorium and has begun transferring prisoners from death row into the general prison population. Oregon already imposed a similar moratorium. Attorney General Merrick Garland has also ordered a moratorium on federal executions. So the trend among Democratic office holders is to stop or reduce prison executions, a move I would support. It’s not just a matter than some prisoners on death row are wrongly convicted. Rather, that many of us believe that the government should not take lives.

 

I also believe that unborn life should be protected, as I’ve expressed before.

Usually abortion restrictions, even in states there they apply, only take effect after 15 weeks of pregnancy, at almost 4 months, with the vast majority of abortions already take place within that time limit. Justice Roberts asks if 15 weeks isn’t long enough? The current barrage of alarmist Planned Parenthood ads warning that “abortion rights” are under siege seems to be taking advantage of this misinformation to increase donations. A majority of the public, even in “Blue” states, does not support “abortion rights” after 15 weeks. As Hermann Hesse once wrote, “A magic dwells in each beginning.”

The question is, when is the beginning—at conception, at birth, or somewhere in between?

The House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act last week, with votes at 220-210. If approved, the legislation would require health practitioners to care for an infant born alive after a failed abortion.

National Review, Democrats Cite Infants’ Well-Being in Arguing against ‘Born-Alive’ Abortion-Survivor Bill

This proposed bill may have some flaws, eagerly pointed out by opposing Democrats, but they appear fairly easy to remedy, not excuses to completely ditch the bill. If a baby is born alive after an attempted abortion, shouldn’t every effort be made to save him or her?

 

Yahoo Finance, This year, Georgia residents can claim a new — but potentially confusing — tax break: a $3,000 deduction for a fetus. After the Supreme Court overturned women's federal right to obtain an abortion last summer, Georgia released guidance clarifying that state residents can claim the dependent exemption if they have an unborn child with a detectable heartbeat on or after July 20, 2022, for the upcoming tax season.

 

If an incipient human can experience sensation, why shouldn’t their life and wellbeing be as protected as that of a pet? See the following account.

 

Asbury Park Press, Two accused of leaving dog abandoned in cold Neptune apartment at Christmas This happened near Cincinnati. When the heat went out, a couple just left their dog behind with no food or water while they sought warmer quarters. They were rightly charged with animal cruelty.

 

Birth doulas help babies to be born and now death doulas are available to help people to leave this life without pain or regrets.

 

Gas stoves are in the spotlight now because they may leak dangerous fumes and are also more likely than electric burners to spark fires. My own gas stove was installed decades ago when gas was popular, long before I even owned my house. I rarely use my gas stove any more, usually cooking with a microwave. But gas is superior, in my experience, for cooking when heat needs to be increased and lowered quickly, even for just frying an egg. An electric burner is not so versatile. Professional chefs, I imagine, enjoy controlling gas flames instantly with a flick of the wrist like conductors directing an orchestra, instead of fiddling with slow electric stove dials. Gas stoves are also cheaper to use, cooking food in a familiar manner, more like the wood fires once used by our forebears and still deployed by rural residents in emerging countries. New-style induction electric ranges are being developed that respond more quickly, but are still too costly for the average user.

Most items about events or politics are not directly experienced by their audience, but presented to the public from other sources, so which are trustworthy? News reports are more than a simple recitation of facts. Selecting how, who, and what to report can skew opinions. Many folks put their faith in Donald Trump and in Fox News. I still rely mostly on mainstream media, though, as stated, I diverge regarding the apparent support for abortion, not only in the facts selected, but in their presentation. This also appears in what seems like support for transgender athletes. Male-to-female trans athletes “transitioning” into the same sport not only retain advantages of height and bone structure, helping them achieve victory in female sports (after first failing as male athletes), but they also don’t experience the cyclical hormonal changes of born-female athletes nor the need to protect tender breasts (trans athletes appear to be flat-chested), both of which may influence athletic performance. Unlike born-male trans athletes now entering female sports, female-to-male trans individuals are not evident in traditional male sports.

Are we all like those blind men feeling different parts of an elephant who thought they now understood elephants? Due to our own experiences, we all necessarily have limited perceptions of reality, often leading to disagreements and conflicts. No one can never know the “whole truth” and therefore should be willing to listen to others. Even though their views are also limited, they may help the rest of us expand our own understanding.

If everything in life went along smoothly all the time with no surprises or challenges, resulting in a nonstop honeymoon or vacation, we’d probably soon lose interest and start feeling bored or useless. People living without any strife or excitement will often shake things up by seeking a new romantic partner, a job change or a housing move, a fresh exercise routine, or a college enrollment, confirming the tried-and-true occupational therapy adage that we always seek meaningful activity.

A neighbor told me about his father with dementia residing in a care facility who has no sense of time, no notion of past or future, and no memory of anything or any recognition of other people, all of whom are strangers to him. He lives in the eternal now. The son imagines that his father must lead a very bewildering and unsatisfying existence.

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Several Spanish translator/interpreter jobs are always listed on LinkedIn, with multiple applicants already signed on despite the rather low hourly pay offered, which is much higher for other languages, for example, Korean. Now would-be Spanish interpreters must all be flooding the market because payment has plummeted. I retired from interpreting just in time.

 

Some online ads below:

Translator/Interpreter (Spanish)

Human Rights Specialist 1 (Spanish Language) [This looks appropriate for me, though I’m really no longer interested in fulltime work.]

Dishwasher, Red Lobster [How did this happen to come my way?]

VIVE LA VIDA QUE SUEÑAS